Troye and Him
by MusicGirl400
Summary: All he wants is a girlfriend, and he explains it all and finds himself while writing it all in his journal... ***Trigger Warnings***
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One:

I was sprawled across my bed at home in Perth. Finally I am home. Home, home, home! I'm sorry but I haven't been home in a long time… Anyways I thought I would try to make a journal like my character in Spud does. I know it won't be super crazy and I don't attend a boarding school meant for the richest people alive, and I definitely know I don't have a girlfriend… God, why does everything I have to say have to relate to the fact that I don't have a girlfriend? Sure it's normal that guys my age, doing what I do, don't have girlfriends, but Alfie Dayes, Marcus Butler, and Casper Lee all have them, and they all do pretty much what I do.

Is it that I am jealous? Maybe. Is it that I am trying to prove a point? Sure! But I just don't know what it is that I am trying to prove.

Here's the thing…I don't like girls. Okay that made it sound like I'm gay. I'm not…maybe… I honestly don't know. I have never had a crush on a guy before sure, but I have also never had a crush on a girl. It's crazy I know, but my family doesn't believe me. My brothers just think I don't want to tell them, and my sister doesn't really care. Another thing that is stopping me from like…I don't know…asking people if I am or not (gay that is) is that I am Jewish. They don't support gays! I do and stuff but…they just don't know it.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two:

So I have some news…I think it's exciting! So I am guessing that you all know who Tyler Oakley is…if you don't you are living under a rock. Anyways so we were texting a little bit and he invited me to this Youtuber retreat thing in L.A. and he's gonna keep it a secret so fans don't mob the hotel and yay! Okay I'm sorry… But I am really excited. I never get to do any of this kind of stuff soooooo yeah. But before I go I have to tell you something about me that you all need to know

So when I was younger in primary school maybe in 5th grade I was diagnosed with panic disorder and depression. Ever since then my parents have sent me to numerous therapists and stuff but it hasn't worked. It got so bad that in secondary school I started cutting really bad. I still have all the scars and my brother usually deals with my twitter account so I don't have to see the hate. That's why I am scared to go to the thing is because there is probably a pool and…there are a lot of cuts on my stomach, and my arms and shoulders. I don't want anyone to see. That's why.

And maybe I am scared to see how a certain person will respond…

Maybe…


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

OMG I FORGOT TO DATE THE FIRST TWO CHAPTERS!

Okay the first chapter was Monday April 5th, 2014

The second chapter was Tuesday April 6th, 2014….

I am incredibly sorry about that! I was supposed to put it in as the name of the chapter but I am a nutella head and I forgot on both of them. Okay I am pretty sure this will definitely help to some parts of the story when I start talking about days and stuff…

***Notice

Btw I am taking any requests that you want to be in the story at any point and ponder with them soooo yeah! Just because I say I will look at them, doesn't mean that I will use every idea though sooooooo don't be too disappointed if I don't use your idea..:(


	4. What if?

Chapter Four

Wednesday April 7th, 2014

As soon as I finished packing I decided I would go outside. Go for a walk around Perth and text Casper about the times for the flights and stuff. I ran into a bunch of fans and of course had to sign their foreheads and the pictures that they randomly carried around with them… Most of the girls were asking if they could be my girlfriend and I just responded with signing someone else's belongings while blushing. I stopped and stared at a picture though which I had at home. I thought about it for a split second and realized the only other person who has this picture is him…Tyler…but that didn't make sense he was in L.A. right? I mean we literally just spoke like an hour ago! I looked up anyway and speaking of the devil…It was him. His flesh was there and he was smiling at me with his red face! I can't even function writing this!

He smiled at me and in his high voice announced to me "I have come to the place of the Australian people!" making me laugh super hard while giving him a bear hug. "What happened to waiting for me to get to America?" He just looked at me and laughed! I mean…he just looked at me and laughed. Forget the exclamation point…um…yeah… Anyways he helped me out of the mob, and led me to a diner that I have mentioned to him before…I can't believe he found it! So we went in and ate and ate, and then talked about random stuff and caught up on stuff, and then ate some more. He said he had a hotel so I walked him back to the hotel and then I went back here (home) and just lay down on my bed and started thinking.

What if I liked Tyler? He makes me laugh at everything no matter what he's talking about. He's so proud and self-confident. But I am not gay…at least I don't think so. I mean I could but I just…I really don't know. I am confused and if I talk to Kayla about my feelings…then…she might hate me. What if she doesn't support lgbt people? What if my family hates me?

Then after I had a panic attack thinking about that…I did something stupid. I went into the bathroom, and found my razor. I cut my stomach. It felt good, but I know that if I did a second one I might be caught and I didn't want that. I wanted to be normal. I wanted to have a girlfriend, and no anxiety disorders, and everything else that people have or don't have that are normal. But apparently people don't get what they want…only what they need.


	5. Chapter Five Part One

Chapter Five

Thursday April 8th, 2014

Today my flight is leaving. I woke up early with a pounding headache from the blood loss last night. Why did I do that? I am an idiot.

So anyways I got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom and did my deed. Afterward I well…ate breakfast…and then I went back to my room to get dressed in something decent but comfortable for the plane. I grabbed my bags, and then Sage drove me to the airport along with Tyler who was rambling on and on, and didn't notice my ghostly figure staring of into space. And now I am sitting in the airport with Tyler freaking Oakley next to me. And for some reason I feel…jittery? Well anyways…I have to get on the plane sooooooooo see ya soon when I get to America!

A/N so so so sorry for the short chapters…the story needs to get going before the chapters get longer so please understand…Once I get a few more followers I will be doing a comment based update…so I will start off super low, and slowly raise the comment number…k? :/ sorry but not sorry…


	6. Chapter 5 Part Two

Chapter Six

Thursday April 8th, 2014 (later that day)

So it turned out that Tyler got a seat next to me so that pretty cool…until he grabbed his phone out of his pocket and spent the WHOLE ENTIRE FUCKING FLIGHT ON IT. I mean we had a few conversations about plans to meet up with the different youtubers…but that was it. I don't even know why I am so upset about this. It's not like I like him or whatever…I don't know it just makes me angry.

Anyways we got to London in one flight and we decided to wait in the airport until all the British youtubers came. They were all early so we didn't have to wait long. I hugged pretty much everyone including Alfie, Casper, Marcus, Joe, Dan, Phil, Tanya, Jim, and Louise. They all pulled the "Oh hi nice to see you…Glad to see you…Can't wait until we get to L.A.!" I almost lost hope that my best youtuber friend Zoe wasn't here until I heard "TROOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Oh my gosh hi…eek…I didn't realize Tyler was coming too! Oh my gosh you look so different compared to the last time I saw you…eek…We need to sit next to each other for a little bit and catch up…eek…oh my gosh you will never guess who I am dating…eek…-" Thankfully her new boyfriend decided to come over and peck her cheek…Alfie! Secretly I am still fangirling about them being together but…Shhhhh no one has to know that! So I asked them why they didn't tell me sooner and they took me seriously and looked scarred. I started laughing and that's when they realized that I was just kidding and they joined in.

After waiting about two hours our plane finally came…and it turned out that Zoe and I were in fact sitting next to each other. I was slightly surprised; I thought she would request a seat next to Alfie…but Alfie was sitting next to Tyler. So I decided to not say anything…besides I had to talk to her about the whole cutting incident…

So I told her everything about me questioning my sexuality, and she understood everything. She smiled at all the right points, and made upset faces at the sad points. I finally told her about the cutting incident. "Um…and there is one more thing…Icutmyselftheothernightbecausemyfamilywillhatemeifiactuallyamgay!" She looked at me quite disappointed, and begun to talk. "First off, if you are gay…then so what? Your family is one of the most supportive families I have ever met. They will surely understand. Plus I do know a blondie that is dying to get his hands on you…And about the cutting…I thought you were over that!" I replied saying I was but she just sighed. It took me a minute to realize that she said a blondie was dying to get their hands all over me and of course I had to ask who…and she left. After she left…Tyler came and sat next to me. "Zoe said you had something important to tell me?" I instantly felt blushed and shivery, and who knows what else. "Um…I uh well um…she…uh do you need any tampons?" Even now I regret saying that even though he looked at me and laughed. That's not a great feeling…just saying! And the first thing I noticed when I looked up was that Tyler was blonde at the moment…

"Oh my God…you have blonde hair!"

"Um…yeah, Troye we hung out yesterday… didn't you already see? I am also gay, did you not remember that either?"

After that…well I kinda just nodded and stuff…and he put his headphones in and walked back to his seat and then Zoe came back. And now we are on the flight but I am about to sleep because we still have seven hours left until we get to America.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 6

Friday April 8th, 2014

Today has got to be the most awkward day I have ever experienced. I have to write fast because I am in a room with people other than me in it, and well…you will see!?

So it all started when we got to America. We all piled off the plane in one ginormous group, and we waited for Joey and Sawyer to come pick us up. Shane was down her too but he was out with his girlfriend sooooooo he decided going to an airport wasn't that romantic. I probably wouldn't take any girlfriends to an airport to pick up a bunch of guys and some pretty attractive girls. We ended up squeezing into two cars…in our car…Marcus, Casper, me, Tyler, and Joe. This was a small car by the way. So we were all staying in a hotel. And oh my gosh it was chaos.

First Joey went in (sorry, he was the one driving the small car) and signed us in. We didn't really realize that there were two people per room. We all looked at Tyler since he is the one who booked the hotel and wow…he looked super…..embarrassed. He was blushing and the whispered in my ear "Hey so do you have anything else other than tampons?" I started to blush and my eyes got wide and everyone was just staring at Tyler, and I was looking down. Shit he remembered. All the other youtubers decided to pair up before I could function again, and everyone was already paired up except for me and guess who? TYLER! I was sharing a room with Tyler fucking Oakley. Great? Well to continue we all head upstairs and Zoe taps on my shoulder and whispers to me "Tell Tyler about your problem…well both of them m'kay?". I didn't even know what to say so I shrugged and ran the rest of the way to my room that I was sharing with him.

When I got to the room Tyler was already there somehow, all out of breath and flipping through channels on the t.v. Obviously… So gently, I put my luggage down on the ground and sat next to him. "Tyler I need to talk to you about a couple things because I think we are close enough…and don't worry, it doesn't involve tampons…" He looked at me and nodded and motioned to go on. Since I remember everything I said I guess I will just write it down?

"So, there is this thing that has been bothering me. For a while I have been waiting to fall in love, or at LEAST have a crush on a girl. Well so this thing has popped up and I don't think I will ever like girls because…I am…I think…gay….i don't know though, and so then once that thought popped into my head I realized if I am gay like I think I might be…my family is Jewish and they don't support gay people so I felt a really strong feeling, that was like my parents hating on me so I wentinthebathroomandcutmyselfonmystomach."

If you haven't noticed…I kind of cracked. I rambled, and then at the end I ended up mumbling it in such a way where he could hear it. Once I finished I just broke down. I started bawling and crying and snot was just sprinting out of my nose. I couldn't help it. Tyler grabbed me and held me in his arms and then once I calmed down and I was just sitting in Tyler's arms shaking the door opened, and in walked Casper holding Marcus's hand. "We are dating!" They yelled out, but then they noticed me there shaking and awkwardly said they would see us later and then awkwardly walked out of the room.

For the rest of the night we just sat there in that position shaking. Tyler didn't try to comfort me with words. And I loved that he didn't do that. I loved that his arms just held me. I loved that he was him.

I think I like Tyler fucking Oakley

**A/N**

**Wow I threw a lot at you in this chapter! Um so yeah just before you start saying anything about casper and marcus…..IT'S A FANFICTION may I enforce the word fanfiction? K good**

**I hope I get more reviews cuz yeah why not? UM…..so yeah….okay bye you little twinks!**


	8. Another Half One!(it's really long)

**Chapter Seven **

Saturday April 9th, 2014 (Part One)

Last night was an emotional roller coaster. When I woke up in the morning (surprisingly I got at least an hour of sleep), the first thing I noticed was that I was still in Tyler's arms. Then I noticed that I was hungry. And then I noticed that I couldn't eat or else I would be fat. Finally I noticed that my scars were searing in pain. Scorching pain, and itching like hell. I couldn't draw myself to itch them I just started to gently shake Tyler to wake him up. When he opened his eyes they widened and let go of me. "I'm so sorry I didn't realize I fell asleep!" I just told him something how it was okay, and all that but then his eyes got really tense, and nodded "You know we need to talk about last night right? I am not letting you suffer anymore. You are my best friend and I can't let you do anything more to yourself!" I nodded and looked at my feet. He was right.

"So since you are probably wondering, I have a lot of anxiety disorders, like Zoe, but more, and I got really depressed, and then I started cutting, but then I stopped but not before I realized I was super fat, so I stopped eating, and so I guess I am anorexic, and I hate it but whenever I think about eating, I remember I am fat, and I am not perfect, that I suck and just skip the meal. When I was say at playlist, I just kind of…puked after I ate."

I have to admit it felt good to get that off my chest. He looked scared though. He looked sad and scarred. It scared me too to be honest. He looked at me and before I knew it we were just staring into eachother's eyes like we were lovers. THEN of course the door opened and we both sprang back to our separate beds. Joey and Zoe were standing there with dazed looks on their faces due to the movement that they saw, and the dried tears on my face, and Tyler's scarred facial expression. "Um…we were planning on going to lunch…wanna join us?" Tyler obviously saw me tense, but I just put on a smile and nodded and said "Sure…we will be down in the lobby in five?" They looked at each other, and made eye contact and simultaneously said "Marcus and Casper told us what they saw last night". I kind of just stayed in the position I was in and Tyler looked over at me. I started to breath really fast and basically had an anxiety attack. I don't remember anything…just that when I snapped out of it, Zoe was next to me and Tyler was talking to her and Joey who was still standing at the door.

"He's fine guys, just jetlag, and something going on at home, with Tyde. He's perfectly fine!" Joey kicked, in and said "Well then why did he just have an anxiety attack?" I looked down and ran to the bathroom and locked the door.

I know how Tyler must feel at the moment but I had too. I had to cut. I am just ruining everyone's stay here in L.A. So I cut. Five times. Once for my feelings, once for Tyler, once for Zoe, once for my religion taking a stand on same sex marriage, and once again for Tyler. I regret it now writing about it. Tyler was banging on the door at that moment, and I just started bawling. Tears and blood were dripping everywhere. I couldn't hold back and opened the door, to face him. "I'm sorry I just can't anymore okay? I can't control myself, or whatever is left of it. I can't control anything, and the person I was falling for probably hates me now too, you hate me!" I choked out the last bit and Zoe, and Joey were standing there with sad and scarred facial expressions. I can't believe I said that. I don't know what came over me.

"Troye, nobody hates you I love you, as a friend, and so does Tyler, and so does everyone here! We need to clean those cuts then go to lunch and talk about this okay?" Zoe finished almost in tears, and helped me to the bathroom, and cleaned the cuts, and gasped as she saw faint scars but only a few. "Anywhere else?" I though she was being serious and lifted my shirt. Just. As. Tyler. Walked. In. FUCK THE WORLD.

Time froze. Nothing happened and I just said, "Can we just go to lunch?" The three of them filed out of the bathroom, and out of the hotel room, and I followed, and we all took the longest elevator ride to the lobby where everyone else was standing waiting for us.

When we got to the restaurant Tyler sat next to me and held my hand? Wait. He did that. Why? To get me to sit next to him. Then it was time to order, and I just got a salad with no dressing. Everyone looked at me uncomfortably.


	9. Part Two

Thursday 9th, 2014 (Part Two)

At that point I just shrugged, and continue to attempt to eat it. When Joe asked me why I didn't eat more these days I tensed. Thankfully I had a great friend like Tyler to back me up. "He is just getting over a bug. Don't worry about him." Saying that relaxed everyone except Zoe, Joey, and Tyler. They looked at me upset. Zoe and Joey didn't know about that part of my depression/anxiety/jazzy stuff… I looked down. I pushed my food away and tried to tell everyone I was going to the bathroom but Tyler pulled me back down. "No he isn't, it's an inside joke, he pretends to leave but doesn't go pee." I gritted my teeth, and tried to pull away but I was too weak from not eating, and he was too strong. "Tyler I seriously have to pee right now. Please let me go before I pee all over you!" As soon as it came out of my mouth I regretted it. I knew he knew he would win and I knew too. But then my great friend Casper came to the rescue…kind of. I was hoping to go and puke in the bathroom. Casper said he needed to go and he would make sure I went.

Shit. Wait…I was getting over a bug. I had an excuse.

As soon as we got in the bathroom I went into the stall and instantly puked. Casper expecting me to pee started freaking out, and asked if I was alright. "What oh, yeah, just the bug. I actually feel fine now!" I left the stall and got some water from the faucet, and he flushed the toilet. We walked back to the table, but I told him not to say anything about the bug, or I would tell everyone about Marcus. He nodded and sat down, and I sat down back in my spot. Tyler looked really pissed. And sad. I felt bad, but I ate too much.

Soon after we all piled back into the taxis and made our way back to the hotel Zoe grabbed my arm and looked me in the eye. "You are anorexic aren't you? And when you eat, you puke it up. Don't lie to me!" I told her to fuck off, rude yes, but necessary, and I ran to Tyler and my room. I slammed the door. And now I am writing this while Tyler ignores me. Great. The person who I am finally admitting to liking to myself is ignoring me. Karma's a bitch. But this time, it's worse than before. Worse that shivering when I pee, or bugs in my room, or birds making noises in the middle of the night. Worse than having to lie and tell everyone I eat, and it's just a bug. It's way worse.

**How do you all feel about me splitting the chapters in two?**


	10. Chapter 10

Friday April 10th, 2014

Today started off as an okay day, and it got worse but not too bad. I used this thing called _let's ignore everyone unless they don't want to talk about me._ It worked quite well for something I had just thought of. So anyways I had been planning on a fan-meetup thingy on the beach and I had planned it for today.

I got to the beach which was pretty hard considering that there was a lot of traffic on the sidewalks and roads and pretty much everywhere. When I got there, fans were already lining up and talking and laughing, and pretty much doing whatever teenage girls do. In the midst of setting up I got really nervous and self absorbed about how I was way to fat, and that these girls didn't know me. I had a mini-anxiety attack but after that I pulled myself together and went to the table. Thousands of people (well at least that's what it felt like) were lining up to meet me and get things signed, and give me stuff.

In all I got about:

20 stuffed animals

12 jars of nuttella

5 t-shirts with "#TROYLER" printed on it with a photoshopped photo with us "kissing"

45 letters in white envelopes

79 letters in blue envelopes

34 letters for other youtubers that I am in contact with that don't have a p.o. box or usually don't plan meetups like this

It was pretty crazy and I had fun. I felt happy, and that I had friends who wanted to have fun and forget about the norms of life! But of course all good things come to an end and it ended at precisely 1:45 p.m. I waved good bye to the helpers who helped me and decided to walk back to the hotel

When I got back everyone was running around getting ready to go to dinner so no one saw me sneak into the room I was sharing with Tyler. Well Tyler did. And he didn't look happy, or sad, or angry. He looked confused. Like he was trying to figure out a really hard arithmetic problem and didn't know what x was.

"We need to talk." Was all he said as I sat down on my bed sliding my shoes off. "What about Tyler? Is it going to be about me, cuz I am tired of hearing 'you need to eat!' 'fat ass, skinny chicken' 'just don't worry about what other people say!' Well you know what? YOU FUCKING DON'T KNOW ME! SO JUST GET OUT OF MY FACE OKAY? PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO ARE PRETENDING TO BE MY STUPID FRIENDS ARE JUST MAKING MY LIFE HARDER!" I felt bad as soon as I saw the first tear trickle down Tyler's narrow cheek. In fact it looked way bonier than a cheek should. "No Troye, that's not what I was going to talk about, but if you don't think I am your friend, well maybe I should just…go, I mean my apartment is only a couple blocks away."

I watched him get up, pack and just as he was about to walk on out of the door with his bulging duffel bag, I jumped up and did the only thing it could think of to get him to stay. I kissed him. And he kissed back.


	11. Chapter 11

PART TWO

I have to admit that that was the best kiss I have ever had. If I say so myself, I have officially fallen for Tyler. Did I just admit that? Yeah I did. #oops! Lol. Eventually I got too curious as to why he had to talk to me. I reluctantly pulled out of the kiss breathing heavy in lust and asked "So what did you have to tell me?" He replied in the sexiest voice alive like can I not get hard at the thought of his voice said, "Well I was going to talk to you about you questioning your sexuality but I guess that explained that!" I was shocked that he wanted to listen to me rant but glad that I didn't.

"Yeah, I am a little gay um….yeah so what now?" I didn't know what to say to him kissing back. "Well I am a little gay, and I tend to go for brunettes, if you know what I mean!" He looked me in the eyes as he said that and winked at the end. I know we used to flirt online and stuff like over twitter, but never this…sexual? I don't really know the right word for that. But when he said that…it just felt right. It felt like I was falling too hard for him though. Like something bad was going to happen because it always did. My life isn't perfect, and Tyler's is and I can't fuck his life up too. Like I am not getting my lame old self involved in my shit that I have created. I then got up and ran out of the room out of pure hormones and ran to Zoe's room. I knocked on the door and she luckily answered it.

"Troye what happened? Are you okay?" I nodded and shrugged and she hugged me and said "You can trust me and that's good, so why don't we go to Starbucks (coffee place) and have a drink over it?" I felt a tear trickle down my cheek and she brushed it away. "Of course"

After we got our drinks…I told her pretty much everything. My scars started itching like hell and at that moment I stopped and started to itch them like crazy. "Zoe my scars!" She looked down and grabbed both my hands. "Troye you have to stop."

That is why I am friends with Zoe. She is so gently, and just knows what to say and how to say it. I am glad she got a boyfriend. She deserves someone that makes her happy.

"Troye I just want to let you know…Tyler's life isn't all that perfect. He suffered from bulimia a while back and still struggles with it. I think you should talk to him." At that moment I felt slightly nauseous, but I couldn't purge here. I had to wait until I got back to the room.

Once I got to the room…I decided to try to keep the drink in my body. For Tyler's sake because I didn't want him to see me. Now it is midnight, and I should probably get some sleep sooooooooooooooooooooo…BYE *winks sexily*


	12. Chapter 12

Saturday April 11, 2014

Today was just a boring old day except for the fact that I was now in some sort of relationship-ish like thing with Tyler. We kissed and kissed, and he told me that he was going to help me get over cutting and depression once and for all. I felt glad that he thought he could help, and I am willing to take it. I didn't even "dispose" of the coffee I had with Zoe because I forgot about it until now. I am still curious about Tyler though. After Zoe reminded me about Tyler having bulimia in college…I can't stop noticing small things about him. For example as I said earlier…his cheek bones seem super hallow for someone with an "obsession" with doritos.

Can it be that…he is pretending to eat and is secretly puking everything up?

No…

It can't be!

If it is I don't know how I will live with myself…

I swear…if it is!

Well anyways all the Youtubers got down into the convention hall thing and we played a huge game of truth or dare, and in the end Sawyer got drunk…I had to strip down to only a long muscle tank...Zoe had to braid Alfie's hair…Tyler had to pretend to f*** me and pretty much everything else you can think of happened. To be honest I got really hard when Tyler did that but luckily I was wearing the muscle tank sooooo it wasn't noticeable…I think…maybe? Well anyways it was pretty hot.

After Joey, Shane, Marcus, Casper, Tyler, and I had enough of these really awkward dares, we decided to head out to lunch. In the car Tyler grabbed my hand and whispered "Promise me that you will try to eat something and that you will try harder to keep it down?" I looked at him and nodded and I could tell that he wanted to kiss me but he realized that nobody else really knew except for Zoe and barely even her she just knew we liked each other.

When we got to the restaurant I realized it was a little café. It looked slightly fancy but I didn't think anything of it. We walked inside and luckily were early and were able to get our food within 10 minutes! I got a small salad with croutons. Nobody said anything about it. Not even Casper. About twenty minutes after us just sitting there eating Shane said he had to tell us something. I also realized that Tyler and I should probably tell them… So I did what any person would do. I slipped my foot out of my shoe and put my foot up on his…you know…and started massaging it. I saw him try to hold back a sigh but it just came out as a squeak. He looked at me and I mouthed "Should we tell them?" He nodded and we started to listen to what Shane was saying.

"So um…as you know a lot of people shop 'shoey' and um…neither of us have come out yet but I think it's pretty obvious that we are gay…and we are dating. Um…yeah…" Casper and Marcus both continued to congratulate them and Tyler coughed and cleared his throat and told them that I had to tell them something. "I um…well so you know how I don't seem gay? Well I kinda am…and um…Tyler and I are kinda dating…" Everyone just jumped up from the table and started screaming "YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" After the noise we created we were told to quickly eat our food then leave. It was worth it though. Now I just have to come out to everyone else. This should be fun….

**A/N Hey so this chapter doesn't have a second part. OMG AND DID YOU HEAR TROYLER KISSED ONSTAGE AND OMFG I CANT FUNCTION! Okay? Okay.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Sunday April 12****th****, 2014**

Wow today I came out to some more people. It was seriously one of the most terrifying things I have ever done. It was nerve racking because a lot of my friends had always though I was straight and I was worried that they would think that I lied to them which I didn't do! As it turned out they all reacted the same.

Here are some following examples:

Zoe:

Since she already knew I was questioning everything she wasn't so shocked. I just walked into her room as she and Alfie preferred to leave it unlocked for convenience. I walked in and Alfie wasn't there…again…and I went and sat down next to Zoe on the bed. "Zoe I just wanted to let you know that I decided that I am gay. I haven't had a crush ever on a girl…and…me and Tyler kind of have a thing…um…yeah…" She looked at me and she squealed and gave me a hug as I was tearing up and shaking.

Alfie:

After I told Zoe, she told me that Alfie was with Casper in Casper's room when I asked her. I slowly walked to the room. "Um… Alfie I need to tell you something." I said that as he answered the door. "I um…can we sit down?" He let me in and I sat in the big chair in the corner near the desk. "So what's up mate?" I looked at him and started trembling slightly. "Well…I just wanted to say that I'm gay." He looked at me for five minutes and we just sat there silently the whole time. He then came over to me and gave me a bro-hug. Casper nodded in my direction and motioned for me to go on. "I am also kinda dating Tyler." That made even Alfie squeal. Casper was awkwardly standing there. "Um…I'm dating Marcus btw. Naomi and Gabi both turned out to be lesbians and then we had this awkward one night stand and it turns out he's known he's gay since like fourth grade. I left after that because I knew the whole story.

Joe:

Um…I'm not going to far with this one but he did the same thing Alfie did sooooooo…..pretty self-explanitory!

O2L and The holy trinity

They were all eating in the diner. It was pretty awkward because I didn't know what to say considering there were so many people there. "I… … … I'm gay." I just said it and Hannah just flipped out with the craziest questions. Everyone started clapping. I finally stopped shaking from earlier and announced "I am also dating Tyler." I closed my eyes and held my ears as the screeching was quite audible. Hannah was still asking questions but then I saw Tyler and I just smiled at him as he waved shyly. I waved back and everyone looked around at him. He sat down across from me with a sly look and I instantly knew something was up. Just then Kian and Conner decided to speak up and simultaneously asked "So who bottoms?" We both nearly choked on our food. My eyes widened and I flushed with embarrassment. Tyler simply answered with "Well I guess we will just have to figure that out huh?" I nearly spit out my water since I am just great in these situations.

Grace called a waiter over and asked what Tyler and I wanted. I told them some chicken tenders and a small salad. Tyler ordered his whateverness (a salad with a steak) and we continued to talk. The topic of fans came up and I remembered the gifts I had received but then I felt a foot on my knee. So this was what was up when he smiled. Everyone was just talking and floating in and out of random conversations as Tyler's toes came super close to my crotch. I could already feeling myself get hard. "Um…guys what's the most sexual thing you have ever done or has happened to you in a restaurant?" I had to ask this to find out. And to embarrass Tyler. Everyone answered and cooed at the kiandrea moments that were shared.

My turn came way sooner than I had expected and right when I opened my mouth Tyler decided to start rubbing my crotch with his toes. I almost led out a moan but quickly stopped it and announced that I had to go to the bathroom. I felt nauseous and scarred and nervous about having sex with Tyler. Is that what he even wanted? SO um…yeah I ran to the bathroom with a noticible…um… and went into the second stall. I calmed down a little purged up my dinner and went back. They were all laughing at something Mamrie had said but Tyler was missing. His plate was emptied so I guess he just got bored. I excused myself and headed back upstairs to our room. He was here reading a magazine. He nodded at me when I walked in and I nodded back at him and hopped into his bed. We just read the magazine and possibly kissed once or twice but nothing more. I stripped down and now I am writing this as I am trying to fall asleep. Yay… okay bye…!


	14. Chapter 14

Monday April 13th, 2014

So after the scare yesterday with Tyler rubbing his foot on me…I had to talk to him. I mean who wouldn't? I woke up and realized I had fallen asleep in my clothes and it was pretty uncomfortable. Tyler woke up a couple minutes after I woke up and I leapt right into the whole interrogation. "Tyler why did you rub my with your foot yesterday?" He looked quite taken aback! It was really funny watching his flustered face go red.  
"Well…I guess I was just teasing you I mean…what else was I supposed to do. No one else was talking about anything interesting or that had to do with you…and I am quite infatuated with you so I thought it would be fun. I mean…it didn't mean anything sexual unless you wanted to too…in that case of course-"  
He was rambling so I had to kiss him. I have to say this kiss was amazing. It got heated really fast and was much better than the last kiss we shared. We slowly mad our way back to the bed and I pushed Tyler on the bed and gently pounced on top of him. His hands slowly started creeping my shirt off slowly, ever so slowly that I just ripped it off. I was impatient and I wanted it off. I then continued to yank Tyler's shirt off too.

Slowly Tyler's hands made it down to my pants and started to slide them down. I immediately stopped. I widened my eyes and just said "Not now!" I jumped off him realized he had been able to see the scars on my stomach so I wrapped my arms around myself and ran to the bathroom. I didn't do much damage until I thought of what Tyler probably thought. He probably though I had serious issues and that I needed to go to a mental hospital and needed to eat or still not eat or whatever. I cut once. After I cut once…I then cut again because Tyler was trying to get in and I was scarred. My feelings were numbed but so were my thoughts as I started to hyperventilate. I was trying to snap out of this attack but it wasn't working.

"Troye it's fine…are YOU okay? I swear Troye if you do anything stupid I will not leave your side again!" I remember those words quite well. I slowly got up and opened the door with the blood showing through the shirt I managed to find. At that moment I knew he loved me. His face fell and his eyes fogged up and I even saw a tear. He grabbed me and embraced me like the first time we met. It was beautiful. It was love. We just stayed like that for a while until he fixed me up and tonight we are sharing a bed so I am currently cuddled up to him writing. SSooooo….i'm gonna go! Byeeeeeeeeeeee!


	15. Chapter 15

Tuesday April 14th, 2014

Well this morning I woke up wrapped up in Tyler's arms. I felt so much better. I guess I kind of freaked out yesterday since I want to make sure that when I lose my virginity…it is with someone who loves me. Like for real. Like what I know Tyler feels for me. When Tyler woke up he mumbled "Troye are you up?" I reached out to his face and kissed it. "I'm guessing that's a yes…" I giggled as he attempted to rub the sleep out of his eyes.

When he finally managed to get out of bed…I followed. I told him I was sorry for last night. I didn't meant to flip but that next time I wouldn't because I knew he loved me. He looked at me and said "Troye why would you think otherwise? I love you and I wouldn't try to fuck a man if he didn't love me unless I was drunk AND he was drunk!" I laughed at the Tyler-ish like answer and he started laughing. Pretty soon we were rolling on the floor in fits of laughter when Conner walked in. "Um…you guys kind of slept in through breakfast…do you want to come to lunch with Dan, Phil, Joey, and the rest of O2L and maybe the holy trinity?"

"Sure…hah…of course?" It sounded like a question coming out of Tyler's mouth so then I started to laugh even harder. Conner just stood their awkwardly and grabbed both of us up and told us to follow him. Let's say I was definitely not ready…but neither was Tyler so #yolo right? Lol. So we went to lunch and I ate. I ate and then I kept it down! Sure I felt sick but I kept it down! I'm sorry if this isn't exciting but ! I kept it down!

Dan and Phil wanted to hang out with just us afterwards and catch up considering we NEVER talk anymore so we headed over to the nearest children's park. We all sat on top of the jungle gym thing and started talking. It was a normal conversation between us telling them that I was gay and that I was dating Tyler and they congratulated us. Then they would talk about the new apartment they were looking at to move in. And then they stopped. "There is another thing that we wanted to tell you. We um..Phan is real!" I literally squealed. I never squeal. Phil was so nervous but I mean…we obviously accepted them! Like it would be wrong not to! But they are sooo cute cuz after that…they held hands and pecked each other a lot like me and Tyler did.

Colleen (Miranda) and her fiancé picked all four of us at the park and we headed to a beach where we met Zoe and Alfie. And I told Alfie I wouldn't tell anyone anything but this diary is not a person soooo I'm gonna tell you something secret until he does it! So a couple minutes after we arrived at the beach Alfie asked everyone what kind of Froyo they wanted. He got the answers (none for me of course) and said "Troye why don't you come with?" I obeyed and stood up and followed him to the shoppe.

When we were waiting for our order to get to us Alfie sat me down and told me the most awesome thing ever! "I'm going to propose to Zoe tonight on the pool deck when the moon's shadow is like floating on the water. Um…yeah do you think it is a good idea? I have been stressing over it since I got the fugging ring…" I sat there with the silliest smile on my face and probably squealed before I answered. "Yes…omg yes you have to propose! That would be soooo cute I mean like I wish I could be proposed to like that! It's semi-romantic and everything!" I was excited until he stopped me and continued. "Um yeah and I am hosting a pool party tonight so yeah you should come…I'm shouting the news when we get back and then texting everyone else!" my smile faltered and he noticed and asked what's up. "Um…nothing…I can't make it to the party." He was about to question me but then realized that our order was up and we had to go get the Froyo.

"Okay…but I find this curious…first you don't get Froyo which was my idea…and now you don't go to the pool party I'm technically hosting? Is it something I did?" I made him believe that it wasn't something he did, which it wasn't then went down and sat next to Tyler and grabbed his hand.


End file.
